Lately I have been so frustrated. Life seems to be conspiring against me. It seems like I get things going really well then one or more of the things I have set into place to help myself, Christian, and the rest of my family falls away. If someone had told me 6 years ago that my life would look like it does today I don't know how I would have reacted. I probably would have laughed at them. I probably should have cried.
I found out 6 years ago that Christian has autism. I knew before then that there was something going on that hadn't been discovered yet. I don't know why autism had never been discussed before, looking back there were so many warning signs. I remember very clearly when someone first mentioned that Christian might have autism. I looked it up and read all the possible signs for autism and a sinking feeling started in my stomach. Then the school did their assessment and came up with the conclusion that is was "highly likely" that Christian had autism.
Then we took him in for an official assessment. I wasn't prepared for what it would feel like to get the official diagnosis. The results came back as:
High-functioning autism
Childhood bipolar
ADHD
I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I felt like all of my dreams for my child, my first child, had died. I cried, I was angry, I didn't know what this meant for him, for me, for my family. What were we supposed to do now?
But that was where I got stuck.... for a long time. What are we supposed to do now? No one seemed to be able to answer this question for me. It was depressing. I would do everything I was told to do. I searched for answers, treatments, help. But either the help wasn't available in my area, or the providers were so busy they weren't taking any more patients. I would like to say that things have changed, that there are more providers available, that there are more things out there to help. And there are, but often they aren't available at the same time. Either they aren't covered by insurance or they are too far away.
Wendell and I have discussed in the past how we could do more, spend more time and money on treatments if Christian was our only child. But where do you draw the line? How much do my girls need to give up so Christian can go here, there and everywhere? They already sacrifice so much.
So the struggle continues....
